


Rest In Pieces, Lance

by Meteorga (orphan_account)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Fluff, M/M, i can't believe i wrote spongebob crack, i hope everyone enjoys this trash, i saw someone make a tumblr post so i volunteered, im literally the worst, theres mentions of the whole team so i just tagged thema ll, this got gayer than originally intended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 07:56:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8278529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Meteorga
Summary: "au where lance eats a bomb pie and keith has to do everything on lance’s bucket list before he explodes when the sun sets."
i have too much time on my hands so i rewrote a spongebob episode for voltron because i could





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is for tumblr user revultron. I volunteered to write this and may have gotten a tad carried away. I altered the prompt slightly, but I hope it still entertains! i am the worst

It didn’t take long for Keith to panic. Approximately twenty-three minutes to be exact, since that was about how long it took for he and Lance to get back on board the Castle of Lions after finishing up their exploration of some strange alien trade planet.

Keith didn’t even want to go to the damn place, but Lance was going stir-crazy just sitting around the castle, and the only person he knew he could pester into going with him was Keith. Keith knew exactly what he had been doing, too, and yet he was still powerless to whatever strange magic Lance had worked on him.

It was a shame Lance was going to die before he could get to the bottom of that.

-★-

“How long does he have?!” Keith demanded of Coran, whom had questioned him about their purchases shortly after they got back. The mustached man took one good look at Lance licking pie filling off his fingers and his eyes immediately went wide in fear.

“I’d say at most a complete one of your earth cycles for the combustive material to reach his digestive systems…” Coran’s eyes were low in grief, mourning the loss of the blue paladin before it had even happened. The boy had become much like a son to him, or at least the equivalent of a nephew. Perhaps one you could only enjoy in moderation, but that was besides the point.

“Who the hell bakes a bomb into a pie?!” Keith asked with hot fury, a fist banging on the wall beside him.

“Well, I’m afraid the planet you two landed on treats explosive material as more of a delicacy… Akin to those hot peppers I’ve heard Hunk fawning about.” Coran answers very factually, twiddling with his mustache and trying to avoid direct line of sight with Keith, just on the off-chance his gaze could burn straight through him.

“How did he even-- How do _you_ even?” Keith’s ability to form a coherent thought seemed to be suffering quite a bit at the moment, but he tosses his hands up, groans, and places them on the countertop. “He didn’t even have a plate or anything, I just see him take the damn pie, my eyes leave him for three seconds, and suddenly the whole thing is gone and he’s wiping it all off his mouth.” Coran seems like he’s about to reply, but gets cut-off by the continuation of Keith’s ranting. “I mean, _seriously_ ? Who buys a strange pie and then eats it _whole_? Doesn’t he know that’s dangerous? And now he’s going to die because he’s a giant idiot and I think I’m actually going to miss him…”

Coran pauses, making doubly sure that Keith is done speaking for real this time, and he notices the boy wipe the beginnings of a tear from his eye. “You should spend this time with him while you can… Lead him to the training deck when you’ve finished your time together so we can--” He chokes. “Contain the blast as best we can…”

Keith finds that suggestion utterly morbid, but he nods and accepts the small time ticker that Coran slides his way. There’s a flashing of color across the edges of the screen clockwise, and a depiction of an hourglass in the center.

This was how long Lance had left.

Keith would make every second count.

He’s about to leave the room, but he stops himself to give Coran a look of utter confusion. “How… How do you even know how much time he has left?”

Coran shifts uncomfortably, clearing his throat. “It’s just an estimation.”

“Yeah, but it’s still a weird one to make off the top of your head. In what situation would _anyone_ possibly learn about the intricacies of humans swallowing _bombs_?” He asks incredulously, unable to decide between being disturbed or amused.

“Look, all I’m going to say is that swallowing bombs isn’t nearly as uncommon as you might suspect.” He decides to leave it at that, and Keith couldn’t agree more.

-★-

“ _You_ want to hang out with _me_?” Lance asks like it’s the most ridiculous notion to ever be conceived, and that’s even after his own proposed scheme to steal satellite television from halfway across the galaxy.

“Uh, _yeah_. Did I stutter?” Keith winces, wishing he had phrased that a tad friendlier. Lance would be dead by tomorrow-- later today?-- He wasn’t sure, since the concept of time had gotten much more confusing since their becoming paladins. He opts to check his timer, but Lance suddenly wraps his arm around Keith’s neck and begins to tug him along like they’re the closest of friends all-of-the-sudden.

“Alright, Keith-ey boy. I’m gonna show you just how to have the _most_ fun you can have in a single day inside a giant magical floating space castle.” Lance cracks a grin at that, clearly hearing how outlandish that last sentence was, and Keith returns it.

Lance finally lets go, and Keith realizes just how _warm_ his face feels, lifting the collar of his jacket to shield his face until it subsides. Lance hasn’t even noticed, speed walking down the hallway and counting on his fingers all the trouble he could possibly get Keith into in this strange time they’re sharing together.

“Okay,” Lance starts, turning around and nearly making Keith bump into him. “Zero gravity. Hunk and Pidge got to have fun floating around while we were both having near death experiences, _so_ , it’s only fair that we get to float around too.”

Keith doesn’t have the breath or time to argue with that logic, so he just nods sheepishly and follows. Lance opens the door, peeking inside with an exaggerated lean and cheering once he notices it’s empty. Keith is about to scan the hallways to make sure nobody is coming, but Lance grabs his hand and drags him in beforehand.  

“Any idea how we’re going to make this work?” Keith raises an eyebrow, and he finds himself hoping that his hand isn’t too sweaty or that he isn’t squeezing too hard or something.

Lance turns to look at him, eyes falling to their hands joined together and he lets out some weird mix between a gasp and a squeak, releasing immediately. “Well, I, uh… No, not really…” His face turns red, and he rubs the back of his neck.

“It was because of some malfunction last time, but there has to be some kinda stabilizer control panel, right?” Keith proposes, and Lance’s face lights up in agreement.

The blue paladin runs towards the back of the room, stepping over a few stray wires that connected terminals to each other or some external power source. There’s a box along the wall, and he opens it hastily and runs his eyes down each switch before Keith puts a hand on his back.

" _Slow._ _Down_.” Keith enunciates, letting his hand rest there just a moment longer and then putting it into his pocket. “We don’t want to mess up something important.”

“It’s all in Altean.” Lance groans, feeling his plan unraveling before him and the beginning of frown cross his features.

That look doesn’t suit him much at all, Keith thinks, immediately deciding to do whatever he can to bring Lance’s grin back. “Well, look at that one. There’s a little picture that kinda looks like a person floating…” He tilts his head and leans forward. “If you turn… like this.”

Lance starts laughing, and Keith joins in happily as he places his thumb against the switch and holds his breath before flicking it. A low whir echoes around the room, and Keith’s stomach lurches as he begins to rise off the ground.

Lance looks happier than he’s ever been, and Keith finds his eyes almost glued to him until Lance shoots him a glance like he’s afraid there’s something stuck in his teeth. He kicks off the wall closest to them with his long legs, hooking a hand on the material of Keith’s jacket as he goes sailing to bring the other boy along for the ride.

The two soar through the air, laughing together and trying to do trick after trick. Lance would not accept defeat at the newly invented sport of Anti-Gravity Acrobatics. The time ticker in Keith’s pocket slipped out as he attempts an awkward backflip.

“What’s that?” Lance questions, upside down with his face looking very pale and perhaps a tad green.

Keith glances at the display, the hourglass about half-empty-- half-full?-- and it feels like a punch to his gut. He knows he’s frowning when Lance asks if he’s okay, so he fakes a smile to the best of his ability. “It’s nothing.”

-★-

Lance is in the middle of discussing his great plans for a prank on Pidge when Keith covers his mouth with his palm. Lance narrows his eyes at Keith’s hand on his lips, and is clearly debating licking him just to spite him. Keith withdraws before he can make the decision.

“Maybe we shouldn’t piss anyone off today?” Keith suggested, thinking that it would certainly make the funeral afterwards so much more uncomfortable than it already would be. “Let’s just go to the training deck, yeah? Coran said there’s some new fun things to do now.” He lied, fishing the ticker from his pocket out of Lance’s view.

“Ok _aaa_ y, if you say so…” Lance concedes, though clearly unconvinced, matching Keith’s pace down the hall. He stood just a hair too close, their hands brushing against each other with their strides. Keith felt a tingle in his chest that he was unfamiliar with, and he passed it off to himself as some kind of heartburn from the strange concoctions that Lance made him try during their adventures in the kitchen earlier.

The door slides open, Keith grateful that Shiro isn’t in here sparring. His head turns to the observation deck, and sees the shape of Coran standing there. Lance stops at his side, looking strangely eager.

Coran’s voice echoes throughout the room. “Sorry, boys, but there have been a few-- erm-- malfunctions as of late.” He laughs fakely, and Lance lets out a groan.

“Man, I was _so_ looking forward to beating Keith’s record.” Lance whines.

“You can barely take the level one training bot, how do you expect to do that?” Keith smirks at the small pout adorning Lance’s face.

Without warning, there is a wall between them, and Keith pounds his fist against it. The two paladins look to Coran, who is frantically messing with the controls. “Ahh-- I’m not sure why that just happened, but just give me a minute!”

Keith understands what’s going on immediately. The ticker is dangerously close to finishing its cycle, and the walls before them keep the impending blast contained without rousing Lance’s suspicions. Keith was going to spend Lance’s final moment’s right next to him, and he clenches his fist tightly to distract from the tears wishing to flow.

“What the quiznak?!” Lance shouts, pounding on the wall to his back. He appears to be boxed in, although there’s a good deal of breathing room.

“I seriously doubt you’re using that correctly,” Keith says, and his heart speeds up as Lance shoots him an annoyed glare.

“Oh, yeah? Well…” Lance hunts for his words, laughing loudly when he can’t find them. “You’re probably right.”

The blue paladin slides to the floor, resting on his hands as he stares at the ceiling. “Hey, Coran? How long until we can get out of here?” Lance asks loudly, hoping his voice will carry.

“I’ll have you boys out in a jif!” Coran answers, and Keith sighs as he follows Lance’s lead and tries to make himself comfortable on the ground.

The walls are definitely solid, yet sound seems to pass right through them. Lance sounds close enough to touch, and Keith finds himself wishing that he could.

“So,” Keith is desperate to fill the silence, and he sees Lance roll to face him out of the corner of his eye. “What’s your family like back on Earth?” He knows how much Lance lights up when he talks about home, and he wants nothing more than for him to spend his final moments filled with love and happiness. It almost feels like he’s deceiving him, and Keith feels almost nauseated. Surely it was better this way?

“Oh, man, they’re a riot,” Lance begins with a wide smile, his eyes darting to and fro as he thinks of stories to share. “Me and my sister once got a video of my dad playing Dance Dance Revolution.”

Keith finds himself almost giggling, trying to picture the image of the man he saw when the paladins attempted the mind meld to be dancing around to energetic pop music. “How’d you even manage  _that_?”

“Well, we had the game setup in our living room, and we kinda played it just about every day. We were constantly trying to beat each other’s scores, and dad loved to tease us about it. Must’ve wondered what the fuss was all about…” He laughs at the memory, burying his face slightly into his arm. “I miss them so much.”

Keith freezes. “You’ll see them again some day.”

“You sure?” Lance looks up at Keith almost desperately, mouth turned into a frown and a hand spread against the wall separating them.

Keith raises his own hand against Lance’s, slightly amused at Lance’s fingers being longer than his own. Had Lance been in a proper headspace right now, he probably would have bragged about it. “I’m positive.”

“Alright!” Coran’s voice rattles them both, no doubt ruining the moment and sending them both jolting upright. “I’ll have you out in--” His voice gets caught in his throat, and Keith can guess as to why. “T--Ten… Nine…” He stops counting at that point, Keith noticing the mild confusion on Lance’s face, but it’s enough for Keith to understand.

Keith rolls back onto his back, eyes to the ceiling in fear of catching one more glimpse at Lance and feeling something that he can’t replicate tomorrow.

_Eight._

_Seven._

_Six._

Lance stretches outward, eager to get going and find something else to get into. He’s about to propose that Keith do something else with him, but is confused at the sight of Keith closing his eyes tightly. Was something wrong? “Keith?”

_Five._

_Four._

_Three._

“Keith, are you okay?”

_Two…_

“I’ll miss you.” Keith whispers, voice cracking as tears he’s been holding back for far too long finally breach the surface.

_One._

And then there’s silence. No boom. No bang. Keith opens his eyes again and is met with Lance standing overtop of him.

“Miss me?” Lance has a smirk on his face, like he’s in on some joke, even though he’s the _only_ one in the room who didn’t know what was going on here.

“I… Yeah?” Keith sits up, scooting away from Lance and turning to give Coran the most confused yet simultaneously _vicious_ look he has ever given in his life.

“Am I going somewhere?” Lance inquires, clearly enjoying the redness on Keith’s face as he realizes he has admitted to _caring_ about Lance. Lance doesn’t plan on letting this go easily.

“I thought you were going to die!” Keith shouts, standing himself up and crossing his arms angrily. Lance looks extremely confused, and Keith can’t make eye contact anymore. “The pie. Coran said it was a bomb pie. That planet we went on makes god-damned _bomb pies_ for _some reason_ , and you ate one, and I thought you were going to die, and I was going to _miss you_.”

Lance isn’t laughing. In fact, he isn’t doing much of anything when Keith finally manages to look at him again. He mostly just looks confused, like he’s entirely forgotten this morning’s adventure entirely.

“ _Oh!_ ” He cries, smacking his forehead. “ _That_ pie! I didn’t eat it, dude, I saved it.” Keith narrows his eyes.

“I _saw you_ !” He accuses, at this point like he’s _offended_ that Lance isn’t a mass of gore at the moment, and his heart is racing too fast for him to stop to think how grateful he is that Lance is still alive and likely not dying anytime soon.

“Nah, dude, I wrapped it up and put it in my bag. We haven’t seen desserts like that in _weeks_ , so I was gonna share it with Hunk.” Lance explains, stepping forward to place a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “It’s nice that you were worried about me, dude, but I’m _fine_ . And were you and Coran seriously just gonna let me explode in here? Did you even tell anyone? _Jeez--”_

“There was a shortage of time!” Keith interrupts, taking Lance’s hand and tossing it away from him. “We didn’t want anyone to panic and we didn’t want you to know you were dying because we wanted to, I don’t know, _enjoy your final moments_!”

Lance looks like he’s about to start laughing but he stops because Keith was clearly very worried and is now very embarrassed and he doesn’t want to make it any worse. “Well, not dying. You don’t have to hose me off the walls today, ‘kay?”

“If it wasn’t the pie, then what was all over your mouth?” Keith asks, recognizing the one missing puzzle piece to this colossal train wreck of a day.

“It was just some food goo. I’m a growing boy, dude, you gotta carry that stuff with you.”

Keith laughs. They don’t say anything to each other for a while, but then something dawns on them and Keith nearly screams. “ _Where’s the pie now_?!”

-★-

She’s very careful and quiet with her movements as she sneaks down the halls. Princess Allura not wanting it to be public information that she has a history of late night snacking, especially when it’s not even that late at the moment, which somehow makes it more shameful. She enters the kitchen, opening the refrigeration unit as silently as she can and gasping at the presence of a pie. They didn’t even have the materials on the ship to bake something like that, did they?

She decides not to question it any further, grabbing the tin and pulling it out. She closes the door behind her, placing the tin on the counter and excitedly making for the eating utensils. The presence of the Altean mice startles her at first, nearly making her drop her knife.

“Would you care for a piece?” She offers kindly, before the mice suddenly push the pie off the counter in one swift motion and the princess feels something _snap_ inside her. She rushes toward the pan, hoping to catch it mid-air, but it is just out of reach. The pie hits the floor and in an instant, the world ends, not with a bang, but with a pastry, covering the entire room in blue.

“Goodness…” Allura remarks, wiping the fruity filling off her cheek with a finger and tasting it. “Thank you, mice, you seem to have saved my life.” She turns toward the door, dress still covered in pie remains, though she walks down the hall towards her room as though nothing has gone wrong.

Keith sees her from the corner and shakes his head. “ _Bomb pies_ ,” He grumbles, making note to ban Lance from _ever_ shopping for the team again.

 


End file.
